Crazy Whack Funky

i dont get around to this stuff much anymore. mommy of two. god what happened to my life? in a good way tho. i'm making some serious cash money, i'm married to my dream man, i have two absolutely gorgeous children. why am i so lucky? the one place i feel i am really lacking though is my friends. i love you guys sooooo much! i dont understand how it always seems to end up like this. just because we dont live close together doesnt eman we cant talk and remain friends. colone: you are so damn wierd! i have never met anyone so wierdly like me before and i need you and miss you! ariel: wtf? its been 10 years we've known each other now. why dont we talk? amber: same thing bitch! AND youre gonna be a mommy! i want in your life even more now! i mean.... i dont know. i miss you all. i miss denise. i miss shelley. i miss jodie. i just looked jodie up. you know what shes doing? she in movies folks! shes writing abook and a screenplay! shes doing amazing! shes my friend and i miss her soooo much. i miss you all. i'm still here.

judy

Jan 19 2007 @ 12:11pm. 8lbs 2 oz. 20 in long. brown hair and eyes. looks like daddy. (:O)

The only reason I am even on here now is because I have been deathly ill since sunday. I haven't worked all week but I have been dropping Ian off at daycare anyway because I can't take care of him and me right now by myself. And of course since I am enormously pregnant all I can do for myself is take tylenol for my fever. ::sigh:: The upside of all this is that I have taken care of our bills and organized some of our paperwork that needed filing and written our xmas cards and purchased most everyones online portions of their gifts and typed out most of my sisters bday present (its a recipe book of my famous delicious recipes) and all of prestons baby items are cleaned folded organized and put away and anything else taht can be done sitting down has been done. (:O) i sound like a frog when i try to talk though and my nose keeps leaking all over everything. they make a big deal out of everything when youre this pregnant too man i tell ya. I read that i was supposed to call my doc if my temp was over 102 so i did since it was 104 and they made me answer a bunch of irrelevant questions from labor and delivery and then i had to talk to my OB and then i had to go and see my GP who preformed two awful tests (strep swab and some horrid flu test where they squirt saline up your nose and then get this huge suction machine and stick a tube up your nose to suck it all back out) which of course were both negative. so yeah... apparently i'm perfectly healthy. whatever. okay well that was my update. what else? what up denise? i like your piercings lady. i'm glad i never got my crotch pierced. i just would have had to take it out what with me being perpetually pregnant and all. anyway, i'll give you a call one of these days when my voice isnt poopy and my brain isnt so foggy. i love you and miss you
later

(:O( i feel like ASS. this is the first day i have actually seriously considered calling in due to my morning sickness. but i won't. its a short day today and plus i REALLY need the money now. but good god this sucks so much asshole. i'm going to be an f-ing cow before this is over too since the only time my belly feels better is when i['m actively eating something so i just keep doin it! hahahahaaa. oh well. i dont have my first appointment until the 28th. i'll most likely update then. i wish i was made money so that i could just stay home and be a mommy but.... that doesnt appear to be in teh cards. i think jason is going to look for a new job where he would make a bit more money. that would be fantastic since we are going to have to have at least one kid in day care which is like 700-800 per month! (:Oo ridiculous! okay well i need to shower and start my day. more later

boy am i sick. (:O) damn. we are kind of hoping for a little ghirl to round out our family. ok well ian is unhappy with me for being on here so... i suppose my computering is over for now.

Ian is going to be a big brother!!!!!! (:O) i'm due january 24th!!

i've been sick, my sister has been sick, my moom has been sick, my brother in law has been sick, my son has been sick, and my nephew has been ultyra super sick and my mom has been sick. everyone is getting divorced and i cant wait to get mnarried and i miss you guys and i want to know who installations is and i want a dog. (:O(

i'm lonely right now. my men are not home yet (:O( ::sigh:: i guess i'll go make dinner. god i sound like june fucking cleaver...

i have forgottenw hati wrote last so i'm just going to start puttings tuff you may or may not have heard. okay, well, we are all settled into our house here now. we moved the 15th of march. i love our big yards. it took jason 2 hours to mow. methinks he wants a riding mower (;O) how cute is that? we have done a bit of entertaining. has layla and rodney over a couple of times. my sister and patar for dinenr once and kim and arnie live like 4 houses down so we see them all the time. what else? i didnt win teh lottery last night so i am not a millionaire just yet but i am still holding out for it one day. i know its going to happen. what else? ian is walking and running all over tehplace now. we went to an egg hunt today but didnt stay for teh actual hunt. he amazes me every day. he does something new every single day. his cousin is growing up so fast too! i cant even believe these are the same kids. anyway, i guess i dont have any more news. still at teh same job. decided not to work on fridays til the summer is over. i like haviing friday off (:O) alright. i'm going to go out into my backyard and enjoy the weather. finish my guiness. watch jason grill. mmmm. yummy. okay i'll hopefully have time to update again here before too long. hope you are all doing well.

well. i do. anyway, denise i love you. i think you spend an awful lot of time asking why and wondering when and analyzing yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and maybe that is why you cant seem to find those beautiful moments anymore. just live your life everyday and they'll just appear like they used to. your brain is too busy to see anymore for petes sake! i said for petes sake! hahahaa! anyway, love, i miss you and i hope you find what youre looking for one day soon. i'm glad things are going well with your little sister. the lake sounds like fun. smitty are you ever going to actually TELL those stories? amber, i love cruella deville! who are those people? ariel, where the hell have you gone lady? all of a sudden youre just gone. maybe everyone else is busy too and i'm being rude and selfish. probably. i will be moving soon. i bought a dining room table and chairs yesterday and spent 600.00. we also picked out some paint samples that we like. we are going to end up repainting teh whole damn house i think except for ians room and maybe the kitchen and bathroom. but the livingroom/hall, office, and our bedroom are getting done for sure. denise when do you have anotehr break? come see me. (:O( i think i'm going to try and get this seasonal job scoring education test booklet short essays. make some extra money for a few weeks. plus io can set my own hours so i can do it like friday through sunday if i want. or just at night after work during teh week. silly as it may seem i DO actually have a pretty good command of the english language and grammar etc even though i type like crap here. (:O) i just dont care in this situation to pay attention to spelling and grammar and typos and punctuation. i mean who cares on here? i'm sure it drives you crazy denise ):O) but youre used to it. okay well i've piddled away enough time on here i think for teh day. i miss you guys.

its been a long time since my last update! i've been so busy! jason and i bought a house in mahomoet. uit isnt teh first one we were looking at out there. its actually nicer and cheaper! our closing date is march 15th! so we've been doing some shopping and packinge tc. my sister is now officially Mrs. Tantular! they got married feb 15th and it was so pretty! we ate at kennedy's afterwards and celebrated. it was nice. my sister was just glowing and so so pretty! i found out that i'm getting a $3600.00 tax return so i'm going to pay off my car with that along with some of my savings. that will free up 240 a month. yay! cant wait. ian is as adorable as ever. he says mama finally and nanny and uba and oh wow. he knows what a doggie says and what a cow says and he will point to things if you say "wheres the light?" or "where is cousin peanut?" he knows what youre talking about. its cute. so this time last year i was breaking up with ryan and madly in love with eric. weird eh? well my little hamburger is awake now so i have to go. more when i find the time

okay so here is the deal. denise: i am getting married in sept 2007. SO. what you need to do is this: prepare yourself to be here BECAUSE i am putting you in the wedding party ):O) mmhm. yep. anyway so thats settled. i also need your help with stuff regarding colors and blah blah blah because you have good taste and you must be a part of this. smitty: you're coming as well. ariel and amber and susan: you are coming as well HOWEVER and this is a GIANT however, unless you want to color your do's to match my colors we will have issues. mm kay? mm kay? i love you guys but you at least have to match what i have going on or its not happening. we are going to be tasteful about this. be mad at me if you wish but you'll get over it if you love me (:O). and yes i AM going to be the bride from hell and you'll all be calling me a wedding nazi by the time its all said and done but our friendship will rise above it all in the end. okay. so i expect to hear from you all here soon. i love you guys and its going to be so much fun having us all together again! yay!

so jason re-proposed to me with a lovely ring (:O) i, of course, said yes. in more recent news we bought a house! its in mahomet (yes denise prof crowley-ville!) and its a 3 bed 1 bath. its cuuuute! all new appliances including washer and dryer and a large entertainment unit. we will close on march 15th!!!! yay! anyway i have also updated my pictures page which you all should know by heart by now so go look at it please. there is a picture of my ring as well. (:O)

(:O) i'm engaged!!!! he asked me new years eve and i said yes of course! i ruined it though because i kept talking about going to bed (it was like 1030) so he couldnt wait til midnight like he wanted. (:O) oops! we broke the news to my parents on new years day and to his parents yesterday (:O) i'm delighted!!!! yay yay yay!!!!!!! okay more later i have to go to work now

in the future just ask me the question you really want to ask. did i SAY i was going to the site anymore? no. i met her years ago (college) when i did frequent the site. that would have been when i was sick myself which i no longer am thanks to a lot of hardwork on my part and the lovely folks at the pavillion. i havent hidden my anorexia from anyone that i am aware of so i dont know how i would have been using that to get attention. when i needed help for my anorexia i checked into a treatment facility, i didnt go online and whine about how badly i was doing etc. so why, if i needed help now would i do that? that is an exceedlingly immature thing to do and the fact that it was the first thing that came to your mind says something about how YOU think and how YOU do things. so stop projecting your way of doing things on to me and grow up enough to just call me on the damn phone and talk to me instead of poking around in here and leaving anonymous messeges. and by the way i love you very much and i do care about whats going on in your life. you dont call me either unless you have some problem or want to bitch. if you dont want me to call when i need support well then.... just let me know and i wont.

Others post up "trigger" photographs - so called because they trigger the desire for thinness - of "anorexic chic" celebrities such as Calista Flockhart and Christina Aguilera.

A skeletal teenager, naked from the waist up, proudly displays her wasted body on the internet.

Her shoulder blades look as though they're about to poke through her skin.

With her emaciated frame, she resembles the victim of a concentration camp or third world famine . . . the difference is that this girl starved herself deliberately.

She is suffering from the eating disorder anorexia nervosa and has posted her pictures on the internet to provide other weight-loss wannabes with what is known among EDs - the eating disordered - as "thinspiration".

This particular girl - her chatroom name is "Nothing" - will be 18 on Tuesday but reading her online diary you wonder whether she'll be around to celebrate many more birthdays.

She tells you she is currently 77.5lbs - just over five stone - but that her ultimate weight goal is 70lbs, five stone exactly. "For three and a half years emaciation has been my beauty," she said.

I am surfing one of the so-called "pro-anorexia" - pro-ana for short - websites that are flourishing on the internet.

These are sites where anorexics, anas, and bulimics, mias, can communicate with other sufferers.

At first that may not sound particularly worrying. After all, what is so wrong with an online support network? There are websites for other medical conditions, so why not for eating disorders?

But take a look at them and you'll immediately understand why they're causing such concern among health workers charged with helping these girls recover.

For example, "Nothing", who lives in the UK and includes horse riding among her hobbies, is looking for feedback on her photos.

A girl called "Stardust" replies: "I know you have little bones like me which is why I always liked seeing your pictures . . . more of a realistic `goal' for me than someone with a larger frame."

Others post up "trigger" photographs - so called because they trigger the desire for thinness - of "anorexic chic" celebrities such as Calista Flockhart and Christina Aguilera.

Users give themselves chatroom names such as StarvingForPerfection, Wasted and FadeAwaySoon and there's a definite tone of pride about their musings.

blood

Numerous sites with titles such as Thinpages.com, Anorexic Nation and the disturbing Pro Ana Suicide Society share tips on how to hide your illness.

One girl writing on Ana-by-choice.com asks for advice prior to a doctor's examination. She is worried her illness will be detected if she has to have blood tests and says she's been eating about 300 calories a day . . . 19 more than in a single Mars Bar.

Her computer comrades reply with advice about iron tablets.

"ThinWish" is the mother of an eight-month-old child who cannot understand why she's getting dizzy spells.

"I've put myself on a strict schedule," she wrote. "No eating until 4pm and no eating after 6pm".

warning

Instead of telling her to eat, her website "friends" advise coffee, green tea and diet soda as appetite suppressants.

"Fitchick" writes to say she's been taking aspirin to kill her appetite.

"It upsets my stomach a bit and I don't feel like eating. Does anyone know if taking 6-8 aspirin a day is dangerous?"

To the website's credit a warning is posted advising users not to follow suit.

But other tips include using the same sized bowl to throw up in as you do to eat from so that you know when you've emptied your stomach.

Such discussions serve to illustrate the desperation of some of the girls - and boys - who surf these sites.

The Thinpages feature the "Purgatorium" where people with bulimia can post their latest binge and purge sessions. PrincessAna has thrown up a shrimp stir fry in her shower and Ellette has purged herself of nachos, salsa and chips and a packet of M&Ms in her bedroom.

Tom Williams, Regional Liaison Nurse Therapist with the Regional Adult Eating Disorder Service, revealed some of his patients had accessed pro-anorexia sites.

control

He said: "Those in the early stages of dieting and general disaffection with their weight may well see pro-anorexia sites, which would be a very real danger as it may help them accelerate the process of weight loss."

He explained anorexia was an egosyntonic condition . . . meaning it is not felt as an illness because it is described as being part of the self.

"They may not recognise themselves as being ill. Sufferers say it gives them a great sense of accomplishment and a sense of being in control," he added.

"It is a feature of anorexia which makes these individuals very vulnerable."

Barbara Duggan of the Newcastle-based Northern Initiative on Women and Eating - NIWE - which offers support for women with eating disorders, said the charity is aware of the sites.

"We know young British women are accessing them and they are very dangerous," she said.

But neither saw how the sites could be banned. Barbara added: "It's quite frightening to think that people are being encouraged to lose so much weight and be admired for being of such a low weight.

"People with anorexia do need a forum to talk to each other. However, this is encouraging something that is detrimental to their health."

And Tom added: "I do think parents should be made aware that these sites exist."



how does that feel??? to be talked about like that?

i went to gurnee with mom and ad and ian and jason this weekend to visit family and shop. we got to visit both jasons family and mine which was nice. we went shopping and i started to feel assy because of course nothing fit right and it was all due to my boobs. but then ian was fussingso i picked him up outts his stroller and i felt better. i cant be selfish and self absorbed anymore and hate myself for some stupid shit like that. i am a mother. my son growing up happy and healthy is #1 priority and thats all i really have room for. i cant believe in a matter of days he will be a year old!. where does time go? anyway, i miss you denise and sarah. i wish i could see you two more often. i know you wont be able to come but youre invited to ians first birthday on the 17th. (:O) we're having homemade carrot cake and balloons and party hats!hes getting his first haircut too. anyway thats my life. i'm going to the bank tomorrow with jason to get preapproved for a mortgage loan. we really like this one house in urbana but we really really like this one is mahomet so... we want to be able to make an offer you know. we didnt tyhink we would find something so quickly. anyway i'll keep you posted that way too. i also started my new job thursday. i really like it a lot!!

i havent been officially asked yet but.... we did go ring shopping yesterday (:O) oh gosh i fell in love with this beautiful 1/2 carat colorless diamond (princess cut) set in white gold. it was so gorgeous! it was certifies colorless and has close to no flaws so it was 2000.00 the next step down was a good cut not ideal and it was 1400.00 so thats more reasonable. i told him not to break the bank over it. i think hes going to get me the second one altho he kept saying you could really tell the difference between the two. so who knows. all i know is that i have had a twinkle in my eye ever since. (:O) it was so sweet! we were shopping for ians xmas gifts and we passed the store and he as like "lets go in!" haha! so of course the rest of the night we were all ridiculous and lovey (:O) i'm so happy. this is what its supposed to feel like. ::sigh:: i'm in love... hahahaaaa!

its thanksgiving today. i am in a lot of pain. i just had surgery again yesterday morning to repair another hernia caused by my giant pregnancy. it was really scary this time. when i was coming out of anesthesia i couldnt breathe. the anesthesiologist kept saying "relax youre okay your oxygen level is at 100%" but i could feel that the sensor that clips onto your finger to give that reading had fallen off. he had an oxygen mask up to my face but i couldnt breathe in or out and i panicked and started flailing around and grabbing at his hands. finally they gave me some medication to reverse the effects of teh anesthesia and i could finally breathe again. all i could think of was that i was going to die there and ian was going to have to go live with aaron. it turned my stomach. anyway though in good news i got a better job! i will be assisting in a savoy office. i will be making $2 more per hour and i get full time hours and i get medical benefits and my scrubs and shoes paid for. i also get two weeks of paid vacation after a year. so i'll be making like $700 more a month with this job. i'm so happy! now jason and i dont eally have to worry about just scraping by when we buy our house. it feels really good. the 13.50 per hour is just for my training too. once i build up speed and start making temporary crowns and cementing them and doing sealants i will be paid more. (:O) i already do the temp crowns in my current office but he wants to make sure i'm trained to do it the way that they do etc. and the assistant now will either teach me to do sealants or they will send me to a class to do them (:O) pretty cool eh? so yeah that is my life right now. ian almost has 5 teeth and his birthday is in less than a month! i'm going to bake a carrot cake and have a few people over. anotehr big thing going on in my life is that i am training to run the indy half marathon in may. its 13.1 miles. i want to do it in under 2 hours. right now i'm maintaining a stead 9 and a half minute mile. my actual training doesnt start til february and thats when i'll work on my speed and distance. i cant wait! mom is walking it as well. dad and jason are going to come and be our chering squad and then we are going to go to the indy zoo teh next day (:O) should be fun. okay well thats about it for now. denise i left you a messege on your machine. i'd love you hear from you!

so i am sick. i want to poo. i am broke as shit again. i hate my job again. i've been on my rag since last monday. i wish i could go back to school but bills dont disappear while youre in school so i cant do it. if i dudnt mind never seeing my son maybe i could but i would rather be here with him and broke. i'm tired of living with my parents. i want to get married. i have too much that has to be done everyday. so much that i dont do anything i want to do anymore. i'm so strapped for cash that i volunteered to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow with one break for lunch so that i can pay my fucking bills this month maybe. i hate that one of my bosses is an asshole with a bmw but insists the office doesnt make enough money to pay us decently or give us bonuses. interesting.